Today I Am

. . . anxious.

Excited.

Nervous.

Antsy.

I'm checking my email obsessively, because the casts lists for our spring shows come out.  We're doing Hairspray and Boys Next Door.  I had a really strong audition and I know I work well with the director for Hairspray, so I'm hopeful.  On the other hand, it was a huge audition and lots of people did well.  Plus Craig likes to do unusual, even strange things with his cast lists (and his shows are always bomb because of it) so I'm kind of on pins and needles.

I'm also waiting for a second email, or possibly a phone call.  I may have landed a job dancing over break and am waiting to hear from the choreographer.  Trying to be nice and having very talented friends may just have paid off for me!  Yay for word-of-mouth-jobs.


And I'm going over my ipod and sifting through my itunes, trying to compile good music for the various dance classes at various levels that I'm teaching over break, starting tomorrow.  I feel like a kindergartner all over again every time I go to teach.  Will they like me?  Will they play nice?  Will anyone show up?  Will the parents think I'm too young to know what I'm doing?  Will I have the right music?

I'm deeply feeling my career choice today. . . cast lists and music, waiting and praying.  On one hand I think "the stress related to this career is going to give me a heart attack young and send me to an early grave."  On the other hand, part of me is relishing this.  Right now I'm still in the student-cocoon, safely shielded by family, faculty, and like-minded friends. . . but this is still a taste of the real world.  Sitting in my yoga pants, cutting my music and waiting to find out if I got the gig.  I'm a lucky, lucky, lucky little girl.

So I guess thats what I am today.  A performer.  A working artist.