Looking Back (Part I). . .

I know that I'm a few days late: we're in to the first week of January 2014.  Most people have posted their retrospectives on the year that closed before New Years Eve, or during the lull that is New Years Day.  But 2013 was. . big.  Huge.  An awful lot happened in it, a lot to think about, process, feel, absorb, reflect on.  Every year it seems to me that I sit down and think "Wow.  Highest of highs, lowest of lows, what a crazy year!" and 2013 was no different.  This time, however, I think something is  different.  I am different - for the first time I can really remember, I find myself thinking "Yes.  I am a different person than I was on this day exactly one year ago.  Change. Growth. Exploration."  And as I look back on the year-that-was-and-now-has-passed, I can see distinctly the mile markers of myself: the adventures and their peaks and valleys. . .

January 2013

• I started the year by flying to Chicago (where I'd never been before) to see my Big Sis (not a member of my biological family, but of the sort of foster-family we assembled years ago: a bunch of super young adults sort of adopting each other as we went along) 

• We then roadtripped from Chicago to St. Paul Minnesota for the wedding of a dear, dear friend and his beautiful soulmate
• Had a reunion with the rest of our little family
• I met the lady-love in my Big Brother's (see above description of Big Sis: I promise a blog post on just them is coming soon) life and became fast friends

{Serendipitous Parking at Mall of America}

{Reunion time!}

{There was a photo booth at the wedding}

• Applied to grad school and received word my uncle had passed away on the same night
• Started my last semester in undergrad while battling what I thought was the flu

February

• Represented my school at KCACTF as a Stage Manager and Actress
• Won a scholarship for the Apprentice Program at Commonwealth Shakespeare Company on what was one of the most wonderful nights of my life
• Found out what was wrong with me was Pneumonia
• Performed in my first leading role in a Shakespeare production as Queen Gertrude in Hamlet

March

• Took another road trip, this time from ME to VT with one of the sweet, silly boys in this picture to visit the other sweet, silly boy and our friends at a university there 

            {^roadtrip buddy             ^buddy we roadtripped to}          

• Turned 23, a birthday my roommates Lily and Chet made perfect, from singing to spaghetti.

April

• Performed in my last show on campus (dance) & closed my last theatre production on campus.
• Had my world rocked by the Boston Marathon Bombing.  Felt the fear & panic of having many friends present at the marathon and not knowing when they'd come home.  Wept with my community and found solace in the way the people of Boston pulled together, and the outpouring of love from many cities around the world.
• Had my blog post about the marathon bombing and it's echoes in my life picked up by a branch of the Washington Post
• Gathered with family from around the country on my mother's property to say goodbye to the beloved uncle who had passed away in January
  

{Sleep Well,

Rest well,

Until We

Meet Again}

May

• Took part in two sacred rights of passage at my college: the Senior Brunch for dance majors at our ballet teacher's home and Senior Night for the theatre seniors at one of our faculty member's homes.  One involves muffins, mimosas, sitting out in the sun, and looking towards the future.  The other involves bonfires, ceremonial burning of set pieces, music, and dancing barefoot in the grass.  Both were perfect. 
  
  
  
  {"Ladies of the Ballet," Class of 2013}
  
  
  
  
  
  {"We're with you - whatever happens." Theatre 2013}
• Last Ballet class, and everything that means, at the end of which Jill gave my class her parting advise: "Whatever you do, wherever you go - just dance.  Just dance."
  

• Graduated College.  Summa Cum Laude, Phi Theta Kappa, Kappa Key, Honors Scholar, and with a perfect 8 semester record on Dean's List (that last one was for my Mumma, my teacher from 1st grade through HS).  Sang at graduation: watched one of my dearest soul sisters give the commencement speech to our class: earned both degrees after a regime that nearly killed me. Cried in the arms of Boyfriend and Big Brother afterwards.

{Cap}

{Support network}

{Panic eyes}

And then. . . oh, goodness.  Then the real adventure started.

She Said I Think I'll Go To Boston. . .

. . . I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.

-"Boston," by Augustana

So that's exactly what she did.  Hello there, friends.  I know, I know.  It's been awhile - months, on fact.  If you've ever read my blog before and are here now, faithfully checking in, I thank you.  Deeply and truly from the bottom of my heart for your loyalty to me and my little corner of the internet.  And if you're new, welcome!  I hope you'll stay around and share in the adventure.  I also think if you're a long time follower, it is time to be candid - and if you're new, it's always a good idea to start a relationship of any kind with real honesty, right?

So.  Where have I been?  What have I been doing for the past season, an entire summer, where I was silent?  And why didn't I blog?  Well, in case the lyrics weren't a give away, I was in Boston. Back in January I received an award at KCACTF (Region 1) for those who don't know, KCACTF is a  national College Theatre Festival, and the particular award I received was a scholarship that allowed me to train with Commonwealth Shakespeare Company, a renown company who I deeply admire.  To train, perform, and work with them for the summer was something I hoped for but didn't anticipate being able to actually do - and the second I realized I would be able to, I was elated.  The only downside was I knew I couldn't share too much of my experience here.

You see, blogs are public access things by their nature - and I have had to be very careful with what information I post publicly because of my "relationship," with my father, a topic I have hinted at on this blog before.  Simply put he was and is abusive, and it is always in my best interest (emotionally, mentally, and physically) for him not to know where I am located.  There was no way to talk about my apprenticeship, which was six or seven days a week, all day and all night, and even had me traveling around Boston, without talking about my exact location - our shows on the Common draw ten thousand people a night, so we're hardly small or unknown.  Which is exactly how he found me anyway.  And once he did, the court battle began, as I attempt to win legal protection from his harassment and stalking, something I knew I couldn't do if I made all of my information public.  I now have enough legal protection to feel comfortable sharing some of my information again. . . and to be honest, I missed this space.  I love to write and I love my blog and I am certainly resentful I had to be pulled away from it.  So expect me back!

Now about this summer - it was amazing.  There was some rough stuff for sure, but it was the most wonderful summer of my entire life. I trained intensively in my craft, performed for tens of thousands of people on the Boston Common, worked with actors from plays like London and Hollywood (we're talkin' an actor on NCIS LA here people!), got to tour Boston performing with the other Apprentices everywhere from a YMCA to George's Island, went to a ton of Sox games, couch surfed like a professional, saw Boston's first Pride Parade, participated in a major arts festival, had a crash course in all things outdoor theatre, grew immeasurably as an artist, learned to really stand on my own two feet, made friendships faster and more deeply than I imagined possible, worked with two dozen inspiring peers, and managed through the grace of God to parlay all of that in to job opportunities as an artist.  

More on those topics to follow! I hope you're all ready to read. 

Allow Me To {Re}Introduce Myself Part I

Hi.  I'm Lela.

Here is what I look like:

I just graduated on May 11th from a small liberal arts college in New England.

While in school, I double majored in Dance and Theatre:

              {I know. I wore some weird shit.}

I also spent a lot of time {as in all of my "free" time} doing tech and learning stage combat:

{It was pretty awesome}

College was amazing.  I learned so much - which I know is the point of higher education. And I was an avid consumer of everything my faculty shared with me in the classroom, taking 20+ credits at a time. I improved my technique as a performer and artist, explored new horizons within myself as well as in the world around me, and pursued new avenues.  Between all the classes, rehearsals, auditions, performances, the voice lessons, the three-on-campus jobs, the a capella group, etc. etc. I was really busy and kind of a bad blogger.  But blogging has always been something I love: something I turn to as a further form of creativity and inspiration.  Of release and exploration.  Simply put, I love telling stories: and words were invented, I think, just for that purpose.  So I'm reintroducing myself to the blogging world: a new venture for me to more seriously commit to moving forward.  

It's a pleasure to meet you!

Being Creative.

I decided - when I decided to start this whole daily bolgpost thing - to really make this the summer of change and growth.  To work on being a healthier, more motivated, more positive person, etc. etc. etc.  Well one of the keys to a kinder, gentler me is creativity.  So that's what this evening's post is about: some of the ways I have been and hope to continue to be, creative this summer.

Daily Blogposts: to make blogging a habit.  To "work on my words," since I believe articulate and impassioned conversation is the key to improving this world.  Because I like it. (does that last one sound childish?  It does, doesn't it.  Oh well. . . sometimes the inner child needs to come out to play.  I think.)

Playing Buddy:  Buddy is the name of a ukelele my friend gave me from his collection.  I've been dying to learn to play an instrument and the uke is portable, small, joyful sounding and supposed to be very simple.  In addition to some of the scales I learned during the school year, I'm working on learning some actual SONGS.

Rehearsing for "Aida,": just being in a room with so much creative, artistic energy - and especially the passion that seeps off of our director - makes me feel more inspired.  One of the best moment of the summer so far was as I whirled myself around in a half-circle in rehearsal, so fast the beads of sweat forming on my brow never got the chance to roll down my cheeks: as I whirled I also dropped my body in half in a big dramatic movement, while inhaling and preparing for my harmony. 

Working on the details of my characters: again, this one is for "Aida."  Creating stories, characters, depth to the people (granted, they are made up people) I'm portraying.  Creating a person entirely from scratch, with only music and dates to guide you, is the most creative experience imaginable.  And the rush you get when you know you've got it right - whether "it," is a tiny detail or something as important as "your," name - is unlike anything else.

Writing in my dance journal again: keeps me honest.

Letting myself play in the kitchen: I've always loved cooking and lately I've defaulted to a handful of easy recipes, instead of broadening my horizons.  No-no.

Making a list of projects for my apartment for this school year: dry erase boards, signs for doors, etc.

Does anyone else out there have any creative ideas they'd like to share?  Please let me know, anything to keep the juices flowing!  Or are you undertaking any creative ventures of your own?  Feel free to fill us in!

The Music & The Mirror

For those of you who don't know, the title of the post comes from a beautiful song of the same name from the musical A Chorus Line.  In this number the lead character declares "God I'm a dancer - a dancer dances!" and explains how the only things in life she ever needs are "the music, and the mirror, and the chance to dance for you."

In that moment, I feel for Cassie.  I understand exactly what she means - because I feel the same need, the same urge to move that has my feet tapping and my heart racing and my very bones aching if I sit still too long.  If I go overlong without singing enough notes, I can feel my throat tighten and I get grouchy, listless, bored.  Without a character to painstakingly create and build and loose myself in, I become so antsy I irritate even myself.  I was nervous at the thought of a summer spent this way - with no "home dance studio" anymore, no money for voice lessons, and not much access to theatre where I live, it didn't seem likely I'd be performing or creating very much.

But my fears were proved wrong by a wonderful chance to perform!  I'm part of a community theatre's production of "Aida."  It's a beautiful show and a talented cast and a well respected theatre, so that alone is a great opportunity.  I'm part of the Trio of Dancers in our production, who like the Trio in the Broadway production narrate and enhance the story through dances to instrumental music through out the score. The Trio often take the lead during the ensemble dances, and portray various ensemble roles.  Additionally we're part of the Prologue and Epilogue sequences, set in a modern day museum with all of the key characters intermingling and forming connections.  During the Prologue, the audience doesn't realize the crowd is composed of the lead characters - but when the Epilogue comes, they've met everyone and are aware of their roles/connections/etc.  It's one of my favorite bits of stage magic and I'm quite excited to be a part of it!

And perhaps even more excitingly, I have been given a wonderful opportunity to perform a solo in this production!  The way our director has decided to stage one of the dance sequences, it will be danced by a soloist in an exotic costume, en pointe.  I almost cried I was so excited when he informed us at the Read Through that soloist would  be me!  Me, my pointe shoes, and a live band alone on the stage. . . what more could I want? Because stereotypical as it is to say, performing is my life. The practice studios and rehearsal halls are my home, with their cool barres and familiar smells of rosin, tea with lemon, tiger balm, and honey, the ancient creaking of floors a thousand feet have danced on, the solemn black music stands waiting to be burdened with librettos.  The dark curtained wings are my horizon, a strange mix of heavy red velvets and blinding yellow lights - and beyond them lies my entire world.  The stage.  Without songs to sing and steps to dance and characters to breathe life into, I am certain I'd have gone mad.  Now, I am going home instead.

Getting Lucky

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

Today was my first day off in ages and ages and ages.  As usual, it's been a busy semester full of classes, work (I got some extra hours this week!  Woo hoo!), and rehearsals which I love!  However it can sometimes be a little exhausting.  For example, here is my typical Monday:

7:00 am, I drag myself out of bed and into clean clothes, etc.  Grab my bags and books and stumble off to. . .

8:00 am Pedagogy class which goes until

9:30 am at which point I go to job #1 in Advising.  I file, make appointments, take messages, and otherwise hold down the front desk until

10:50 when my voice lesson starts.  Voice ends just in time for me to get to 

11:30 Modern 6

1:00 lunch with my roommate

1:30 twenty minutes at the gym before

1:50 Dramatic Literature, which is only an hour long so I get out by 2:50 giving me exactly enough time to go to

3:00 Physical Therapy for an hour and fifteen minutes, getting me out at 4:15 so by

4:40 I'm in Jazz 6 which ends at 6:10, which is convenient since

6:15 is when Hairspray rehearsal starts, which runs until 10:30

10:45 back in my room to start homework which takes me until 12:30ish to complete and call Boyfriend.

Then it's off to bed by 1ish, so I can get up, rinse, and repeat.  The classes change, the length of time at the gym changes (someday I get in almost an hour!) but thats about it.  It's a busy and fulfilling life, to be sure.  I love it.  Which is why today, on my first day off, I spent it making sure I could continue living almost the exact same way.  I edited my resume and started sending off copies of my headshot, (adjusted) resume, and contact information to local theaters/playhouses/summer stock companies.  I researched different performance venues and internships - all of which is work I should have done ages ago, but couldn't because of this stupid hip injury.  I didn't know when or if I'd be ok enough to rehearse/perform this summer.  If I'm lucky, though, I'll get some performances and some additional work to go along with my day job!

Cross you fingers, blogging world - I'm looking for my lucky break, so I'm trying to be prepared.  How do you spend your days off?

This Is Living the Dream

I woke up this morning like I always do.  I sat bolt upright when my alarm went off and mumbled what I assume were swear words at it.  I then face planted back onto my pillow, and took a deep breath.  Thus began what I like to call "The Snap/Crackle/Pop Morning Symphony."  I stretched my back, rolled my ankles (crrrraaaaacckk!  poppoppop), worked my legs under the covers (snap! snapsnap!  crrrrunch. thud) and flipped onto my back, stretching my arms over my head.  I dragged myself out from under the sheets, cracking my feet/toes/arches, snapping my shoulders, and otherwise releasing the various air bubbles and bundles of pressure that formed in my body as I slept.

I shivered and hurried to the kitchen to put the kettle on.  Said my prayers as I cooked breakfast, did my stretches, etc. etc. etc.  The same as any morning - but this morning was different.  This morning as I packed my oversized bag full of everything-I-could-possibly-need, I had a sudden realization.  In the quiet of the kitchen I finally understood - this is it.  This is living the dream.  On a smaller scale than I'd like to, of course - but even dreams come in babysteps.

I was about to head off to a day of Winter Camp with kids at the Learning Center where I teach.  We would play on the trampoline, run races, tumble, perfect handstands, do a mini-ballet class, listen to classical music, color, and dance all day.  Our only breaks were for snacks (banas, apple slices, cucumbers, and unsalted pretzels) and storys.  Then I would hop into the car, eat a quick flatbread from Subway and rush of to our final tech rehearsal. . .

For my first professional performance.

This morning I threw my sweater and notebook in my bag and relished that for a moment.  My first professional show.  I'd like to tell you it was for something big - a new work for a prominent company.  Or glamorous - world premier for a new ballet.  Or even that I had a big role.  The truth is, it was a very small part of a big show, and I am only on stage for a few, brief, glorious, seconds.  I don't even really dance: it's just being a comedic character, making the audience laugh.  But that audience?  It's a venue that holds 2,000 people.  And tonight, every seat was taken.  It's not high-paying - 50 dollars a show, and 10 comp tickets, plus meals provided.  But it is in fact paying which means I get to end 2011 not as the aspiring dancer I've been all my life, but as a professional dancer.

For a few, sweet days.

I can share the benefits of my "pointless," and "expensive," major and my "risky," and "impractical," career choice with friends and family in the form of free tickets to a sold-out show.

I get to live the dream: and what a dream it is.  The seconds I stepped onto the stage it was like lightening passed through my body.  I have never been more alive.  No moment has lasted longer than that split second, forever frozen in my mind, when pure adrenaline and love suspended time.  The only sound I can ever imagine comparing to the noise of 2,000 pairs of applauding hands is the first time I hear my future children's voices.

For the next two days I get to go from job one - playing with and helping shape children - to job two, helping make 2,000 people laugh.

How lucky am I?

Today I Am

. . . anxious.

Excited.

Nervous.

Antsy.

I'm checking my email obsessively, because the casts lists for our spring shows come out.  We're doing Hairspray and Boys Next Door.  I had a really strong audition and I know I work well with the director for Hairspray, so I'm hopeful.  On the other hand, it was a huge audition and lots of people did well.  Plus Craig likes to do unusual, even strange things with his cast lists (and his shows are always bomb because of it) so I'm kind of on pins and needles.

I'm also waiting for a second email, or possibly a phone call.  I may have landed a job dancing over break and am waiting to hear from the choreographer.  Trying to be nice and having very talented friends may just have paid off for me!  Yay for word-of-mouth-jobs.


And I'm going over my ipod and sifting through my itunes, trying to compile good music for the various dance classes at various levels that I'm teaching over break, starting tomorrow.  I feel like a kindergartner all over again every time I go to teach.  Will they like me?  Will they play nice?  Will anyone show up?  Will the parents think I'm too young to know what I'm doing?  Will I have the right music?

I'm deeply feeling my career choice today. . . cast lists and music, waiting and praying.  On one hand I think "the stress related to this career is going to give me a heart attack young and send me to an early grave."  On the other hand, part of me is relishing this.  Right now I'm still in the student-cocoon, safely shielded by family, faculty, and like-minded friends. . . but this is still a taste of the real world.  Sitting in my yoga pants, cutting my music and waiting to find out if I got the gig.  I'm a lucky, lucky, lucky little girl.

So I guess thats what I am today.  A performer.  A working artist.

Yesterday Was My Best Friend's Birthday

 And we're taking it very seriously.

I must confess, the above picture is not from yesterday.  It's from exactly 366 days ago, when she celebrated her last birthday, here in the little slice of wilderness we hail from.  Charming, no?  Basically, that picture is our friendship summed up in a single flash.  This is us, moments later attempting to take a non-silly picture.  She translated "non-silly," as "seductive."  I translated it into "boring."  Thus, we balance each other out.

 

I wish I could properly sum Arletta up for you in a blogpost, but that is impossible to do.  Mostly, because there is no "summing," Arletta up.  She isn't one thing - she's a thousand and one things.  She is the loudest laugh in the room, and generally the funniest joke.  She's a bellydancer and choreographer.  For all my classical training, I don't think I'll ever be able to understand just how to make my body m o v e the way her's does.  

She's a singer: anything the average person says outloud, she sings.  Even if it's a list of things she's got to do that day.

She's a hopeless romantic, which rather nicely brightened my vaguely I-don't-give-a-crap-about-the-male-species attitude through HS.  

Arletta is the kind of girl who chases her dream, chased it all the way to India for a semester abroad.  Which makes perfect sense, since she is after all a tigress. . . 

She is this poem: improbable, beautiful, and afraid of nothing.  

She is my best friend in the world.

Mover & Maker

Today, I Am This:

 

(via)

A Dancer.

Like most people I'm many different things in life.  A blogger, for instance.  A sister, daughter, cousin, friend.  An actress.  A would-be cook/baker.  Sometimes, I'm even a poet.  Today though, I am a dancer.

That statement is actually vaguely misleading: I have always been a dancer, before I was even born.  You'd have to ask my mom about it - but that's a separate post.  The point is, I have always had two things I've felt compelled to do - to  move and to make.  More than a "dancer," (a word which gives people one of two images: flat-chested girls in tutus & tiaras, spinning pink & glitter with ribbons tied to their knees, or enhanced-chested girls in hotpants & extensions, also spinning glitter. . .) I am a mover & a maker.

I can't sit still for long: even as I blog, one of my legs is bouncing rhythmically up down to my Pandora station's latest selection.  I have to fidget, to clean, to work in my garden, to get up and stretch, to practice my relevees as I brush my teeth.  To fall into my bed at the end of the day, sore and drained and empty, ready for the night to fill me again with energy as I sleep.

By the same token, I feel a constant tug to create.  When I was little, I loathed board games (in fact I still do).  I far preferred to make up games: the characters, the rules, the locations, all original and new.  I was obsessed with modeling clay and inventing new worlds for my dolls.  I didn't like coloring books: I wanted to draw my own pictures.  I hated the chicken dance, the macarena, the electric side.  I could make up my own dances, thankyouverymuch.  As I got older, the need to make something new became half finished sewing projects, a closet full of beads, more polymer clay, and a deep love of music.  I still preferred making up my own dances. . .

One of my best moments in dance was the pinnacle of moving & making. I was sixteen, and my dance studio was doing purely student choreographed showcase.  Me and the only boy, my friend Russell, teamed up for a Pas De Deux.  He wanted more contemporary.  I wanted more classical.  We butted heads.  We stayed late at the studio, with classes that got out at 9:45 pm already.  We sweat.  He must have lifted me a thousand different ways. . . then I got injured (I know, I know!  Literally the story of my life!)  I had blown out my entire left ribcage.  All the muscles that were supposed to hold it together were some combination of torn or strained (to this day my left ribcage is longer than my right. It was the kind of injury that doesn't heal).  And we worked anyway.  We'd both grit our teeth and try again, with sweat and sometimes tears on our faces.  He trusted me more than anyone ever had before: that I was able to do this.  That I was strong enough, capable enough, that his choreography & mine would have the debut it deserved.

And I quite literally put my (very broken) self in his hands.  That he wouldn't drop me, that it wouldn't hurt too much, that when I jumped, he would be there.  When I had my back to him, we were counting the music the same, so when I turned back 'round, we would match.  I wouldn't fall again. . .

The end result was something I am still proud of - yes, our technique needed work.  Yes, I am a much better dancer now than I was then and he is in fact a professional.  No, it will not be anything I include on audition tapes.  But we moved - Oh, how we moved!  My favorite moment was when I simply an at him (this was, I assure you, more impressive than it sounds.  I run rather fast.  And am rather curvy. . .) and jumped with all my strength into him.  He caught me, pressing me above his head and spinning in a circle as I moved my legs - the effect was that I was running down an invisible staircase as he rotated.

I will never forget curtsying after, him lightly holding my hand in his.  The feel of the lights on the back of my neck as I dipped my head.  The smell of the rosin.  The sound of the applause, thunderous and muffled all at once.

This is what I need, right now.  This, this is who I am today - I am a dancer.  I need to run and leap and trust that someone's hands will be there - or that my own legs will be strong enough to catch me.  I need to pirouette so fast, the world blurs away and I am a stable, solitary point in these rotating heavens.  I need to work until I gasp for sweet, heavy air - not winded from running to nowhere, but from creating.

This is who I am. . .

I am a mover.  I am a maker.

Momix

Last night I got the chance to see Botanica, the newest work by the dance company Momix.  Part modern dance company, part experimental performance troupe, part traveling Cirque Du Soleil, Momix is an incredible spectacle to behold.  I've had the opportunity and pleasure of working with assorted company members through master classes and workshops, and always walk away feeling inspired and refreshed.  To get to see their latest production was so exciting for me!  The tickets were my present from Mum for my 21st birthday back in March.  A perfect gift, no?

Here are some images from an amazing show!

The opening piece: the first thing involved the curtains on the floor billowing like waves.  Eventually the dancers rose out of it, after this giant flower rolled on stage and blossomed.

Somewhere in the middle of the first act.

This is the beginning of Boyfriend's favorite routines.

As she lifted it off of her head.

Beginning to build up speed. 

This dance was incredibly beautiful as she built up speed and traveled the full length of the stage, turning not stop.  Sometimes standing, sometimes on her knees, sometimes in classical western dance form.

This is the beginning of my favorite piece

Beautiful, no?

So many different floral images were projected.

Second favorite piece of the night.

Look closely at her.  Stunning.

There were so, so, so many other pieces and images.  I wish I could share them all with you, but even what Google images shows is more than I can fit in a reasonably sized post!  I hope someday to make art half so brilliant.

Weekly Gratitude

Hi there!  So I had originally started doing this weekly gratitude thing quiet awhile ago: I was inspired by my friend Alivia of the charming Alivia Thinks This.  She in turn borrowed the idea from Tatiana of Love, Life, Lace.  I thought it was a really swell idea, and that I should join in.  A set, weekly time to express gratitude?  To remember to step back and say thanks?  What a cool idea!  However, I have been one negligent little lady in the last few, well. . . months (ouch).  So my last weekly gratitude post was aaaaaaaallll the way back in January, during Festival (one of the best weeks ever, btw. so. much. fun.).  I'm here tryin' to get back on the horse though!  And in one sense, my attempt at Weekly Gratitude as a blogger was a success: even all those weeks I haven't actually written anything, I've been much more aware of my blessings.  So thanks Alivia & Tatiana!  And without any further ado, here are some things I'm grateful for this week.

*I'm grateful for the chance for higher education.  Almost loosing it because my dad wouldn't finish the taxes, and then hearing an international student talking about how higher education (especially in the performing arts) is such a "luxury," and a "pleasure," and how much "freedom," it allows really reminded me of how lucky I am.  And how easy it is to loose those blessings. . .

*I'm grateful for cell phones.  I know I've said this one before, but it's true.  Hearing his voice before I go to sleep has been the best counteraction ever for insomnia.

*I'm grateful for bus tickets that cost less than 25 dollars, so I can spend long weekends with family.

*I'm grateful for long weekends.

*I'm grateful for Netflix.

*I'm grateful for the girls in my dance comp piece: we banged out the entire dance in a single rehearsal for 2 out of three!  My third girl learned her part in 27 minutes!  Now all I have to do is worry about the clean up rehearsal on Monday.  You ladies are incredible.

*I'm grateful for super talented friends like my girl Quigs.  Her mad photography skills this week were put to the test turning me into a Cabaret girl from the 30's.

*I'm grateful for red lipstick, red nail polish, and finally having the courage to try them out.

*I'm grateful for the three amazing and emotional dance composition pieces I've been able to be part of: Julia, Emily, and Devon have each given me a challenge to be answered in movement, and I've loved it.

*I'm grateful for dance.  After Salvation, it's the greatest blessing I've got.

*I'm grateful for an inspiring group of peers - and the friendships I've built with them.  Don't know how I'm going to handle graduation, but so lucky to know there are talented, creative, and inspiring people headed out to the real world who I can call friends.

*Grateful that sometimes it's the last guy you'd expect to be the nice guy.

*Grateful that I have male relationships that are so positive, they sometimes seem to counterbalance the mess that was my childhood/teenage years of fear.

*Grateful for blogging, journaling, and tumblr.  I seem to have a lot of self to express.

*Grateful to you, if you're reading this.

*Grateful for tomorrow.

Auditions.

The bane of every performer's existence.  We'd kill to get one, pray for them every night, prepare for them everyday, spend all our money on headshots and training before them, scoure the internet and newspapers and grapevine for word of one. . . and we absolutely hate them.  At least I do - and I know most of my friends feel the same way.  I can't help but be a little exicted for the ones I have lined up right now though.  Tomorrow morning/afternoon I'm auditioning for summer stock at a local theater back home.  They're season includes "Singin' In the Rain," which is one of my absolutel favorite musicals - and probably my favorite movie musical - and "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum," Stephen Sondheim's first all original, all his own work.  I'm armed with a brand new, beautiful color headshot thanks to my incredibly talented friend at quigleyphotos.com.  I revamped my resume, updating it to include things like my Irene Ryan Alternate nomination, and my MTE class under the training.  I also really enjoy both the shows, and am very very very very motivated to really dive into the auditioning process.  I've watched my beautful, talented, and excpetional friend Mary-Elizabeth bust her ass since December auditioning EVERY SINGLE weekend for company after company, so she has employment when she graduates.  And lemme tell ya folks, the girl is a gorgeous. . . it's inspired me to really up my game in the auditioning arena.  I need to build my resume, get my name out there, get the ball rolling.  If it's taking Mary-Elizabeth her whole senior year to find something, Lord knows it's going to take me even longer.  So I think the audition should go well, just based on my energy level. . .a at least thats what I'm hoping!

I also throroughly enjoy both the shows and have really improved my vocals this semester, so I think I should be ok.  The frustrating thing is I just know I could be a valuable member of the cast: I work hard, I'm a good dancer, a good actress, and a solid, reliable singer.  I love the rehearsal process and being on stage: even the longest rehearsals are usually (hey no one's perfect!) fun for me, and the faculty here at my school have really beaten professionalism into us.  I just hope I have the chance to be that cast member!

Then on Monday I'm auditioning for a dance company - a brand new dance company - here!  My modern teacher is starting his own company, and has opened up the auditioning process to a handful of us in the upper level classes.  Monday during class time it is!  I would so LOVE to be able to be a part of the inaugural performance this fall - it really should be beautiful, his choreography always is!


I'd appreciate it greatly blogosphere, if you could wish me "Merde," and broken legs these next few days!

Dance + Camera = New Post

Hello beautiful person reading my blog!  I apologize for my negligence: it's really been quite shameful.  I am back in teh blogging world, however, and have something fun to share with you.  Pictures!  At some point, one of you lovely followers had asked me to post pictures of myself dancing, and for the first time I think i'll be able to oblige.  All of the pictures of me in a dress are by Quigley Photography, which you can follow here.  All the pictures of me in a window/on a couch and wearing sweats were taken by my friends Karyl and Laura last Saturday!

Without any further ado, here is what happens when you ask a dancer to sit still for headshots:

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Let us dance in the sun, wearing wildflowers in our hair. . ."

-Susan Polis Shutz

"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak."

-Hopi Indian Quote

The following pictures, on the other hand, are what happen when you ask a group of undergrad dancers to rehearse just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittttllleee longer on a Saturday between shows.  I wish we'd planned ahead so we'd could have had things like dancewear (it was a marking/concept rehearsal), a good camera, the forethought to tidy the room. . . post script, I'm the one wearing the blue thermal, with the long hair.

"Evermore in the world is this marvelous balance of beauty and disgust, magnificence and rats."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There's no secret to balance, you just have to feel the waves."

-Frank Herbert

"Never be afraid to try something new. . ."

"Similar creatures, we are chasing the pipe dream down,"

-Sara Barielles "Any Way the Wind Blows."

"Wish you would step back from the ledge my friend. . . you could, cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. . ."

-Third Eye Blind "Jumper."

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we may as well dance."

-Japanese Proverb

"Talent is luck: the important thing in life is courage."

-Woody Allen

"When you do dance, I wish you

A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do
Nothing but that."

-William Shakespeare (The Winter's Tale)

We didn't plan on similar poses. . . thats just what happened spontaneously. 

"Friendship is being two halves of the same coin: not always matching but perfectly coordinated, and entirely useless apart.  "

"Now bring me that horizon. . . "

-Johnny Depp (Captain Sparrow) Pirates of the Caribbean

"I'll teach you to jump on the wind's back, and away we go."

-Peter Pan

(sidenote: i never had the slightest interst in being Tinkerbelle.  i've always wanted to be Peter Pan: with a voice and of my own, a sword, and limitless courage  Fighting pirates, starting food fights, climbing trees, listening to stories and roaming wheresoever i please with my Lost Boys)

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts. . ."

-William Shakespeare (Much Ado About Nothing)