Looking Back (Part I). . .

I know that I'm a few days late: we're in to the first week of January 2014.  Most people have posted their retrospectives on the year that closed before New Years Eve, or during the lull that is New Years Day.  But 2013 was. . big.  Huge.  An awful lot happened in it, a lot to think about, process, feel, absorb, reflect on.  Every year it seems to me that I sit down and think "Wow.  Highest of highs, lowest of lows, what a crazy year!" and 2013 was no different.  This time, however, I think something is  different.  I am different - for the first time I can really remember, I find myself thinking "Yes.  I am a different person than I was on this day exactly one year ago.  Change. Growth. Exploration."  And as I look back on the year-that-was-and-now-has-passed, I can see distinctly the mile markers of myself: the adventures and their peaks and valleys. . .

January 2013

• I started the year by flying to Chicago (where I'd never been before) to see my Big Sis (not a member of my biological family, but of the sort of foster-family we assembled years ago: a bunch of super young adults sort of adopting each other as we went along) 

• We then roadtripped from Chicago to St. Paul Minnesota for the wedding of a dear, dear friend and his beautiful soulmate
• Had a reunion with the rest of our little family
• I met the lady-love in my Big Brother's (see above description of Big Sis: I promise a blog post on just them is coming soon) life and became fast friends

{Serendipitous Parking at Mall of America}

{Reunion time!}

{There was a photo booth at the wedding}

• Applied to grad school and received word my uncle had passed away on the same night
• Started my last semester in undergrad while battling what I thought was the flu

February

• Represented my school at KCACTF as a Stage Manager and Actress
• Won a scholarship for the Apprentice Program at Commonwealth Shakespeare Company on what was one of the most wonderful nights of my life
• Found out what was wrong with me was Pneumonia
• Performed in my first leading role in a Shakespeare production as Queen Gertrude in Hamlet

March

• Took another road trip, this time from ME to VT with one of the sweet, silly boys in this picture to visit the other sweet, silly boy and our friends at a university there 

            {^roadtrip buddy             ^buddy we roadtripped to}          

• Turned 23, a birthday my roommates Lily and Chet made perfect, from singing to spaghetti.

April

• Performed in my last show on campus (dance) & closed my last theatre production on campus.
• Had my world rocked by the Boston Marathon Bombing.  Felt the fear & panic of having many friends present at the marathon and not knowing when they'd come home.  Wept with my community and found solace in the way the people of Boston pulled together, and the outpouring of love from many cities around the world.
• Had my blog post about the marathon bombing and it's echoes in my life picked up by a branch of the Washington Post
• Gathered with family from around the country on my mother's property to say goodbye to the beloved uncle who had passed away in January
  

{Sleep Well,

Rest well,

Until We

Meet Again}

May

• Took part in two sacred rights of passage at my college: the Senior Brunch for dance majors at our ballet teacher's home and Senior Night for the theatre seniors at one of our faculty member's homes.  One involves muffins, mimosas, sitting out in the sun, and looking towards the future.  The other involves bonfires, ceremonial burning of set pieces, music, and dancing barefoot in the grass.  Both were perfect. 
  
  
  
  {"Ladies of the Ballet," Class of 2013}
  
  
  
  
  
  {"We're with you - whatever happens." Theatre 2013}
• Last Ballet class, and everything that means, at the end of which Jill gave my class her parting advise: "Whatever you do, wherever you go - just dance.  Just dance."
  

• Graduated College.  Summa Cum Laude, Phi Theta Kappa, Kappa Key, Honors Scholar, and with a perfect 8 semester record on Dean's List (that last one was for my Mumma, my teacher from 1st grade through HS).  Sang at graduation: watched one of my dearest soul sisters give the commencement speech to our class: earned both degrees after a regime that nearly killed me. Cried in the arms of Boyfriend and Big Brother afterwards.

{Cap}

{Support network}

{Panic eyes}

And then. . . oh, goodness.  Then the real adventure started.

An Idea.

So according to Blogger, it has been approximately two weeks since my last blogpost.  I was really disappointed with myself when I realized that was the case.  You see, in the past two weeks I've had thoughts EVERYDAY about posts I should write, clips I should share, etc.  But I haven't been. . . and I should be!  Remember this post, all about my summer health agenda?  Well I'm in that same mood again.  Motivated, inspired, ready to work.  And that include on this blog!  This coming semester is going to be madness - 23 credits, plus an Independent Study, Senior Performance Rehearsals, a Senior Seminar trip to NYC, several clubs, dance and theater performances (and rehearsals, obviously) three different jobs, and auditioning for "Real World," post-grad gigs.  Madness.  And the thing is, I don't want Such Ado to get lost in the wilderness and madness that will be my life.  They say it takes 30 days to make a habit, right? The habit I want to make is regular blogging - because I love this creative outlet.  Because it makes me happy.  Because it will be a convenient way for family and friend to follow along on my journey.  And because I want to, damnit!!

So here's the plan, fight fans:  daily blogging.  That's right. Everyday I'm going to put up one new post - whether it be one of my novella length musings, a link to my favorite song-of-the-moment, a Tiny Taut Toned and Tan 2012 update, or a list of things I am grateful for.  Or you know, whatever other random musings pop into my head.  I figure if I can fit in my summer camp job, Aida rehearsal, babysitting, family functions, and my new attempts at a health lifestyle daily this summer, fitting in blogging regularly this fall should be a cinch, right?

This is the summer of reinvention folks.  Time to grab the bull by the horns and start working towards being the Me I believe I can be.  And that means not just healthier and more organized, but more creative and happy too.  Here goes nothing!

The Music & The Mirror

For those of you who don't know, the title of the post comes from a beautiful song of the same name from the musical A Chorus Line.  In this number the lead character declares "God I'm a dancer - a dancer dances!" and explains how the only things in life she ever needs are "the music, and the mirror, and the chance to dance for you."

In that moment, I feel for Cassie.  I understand exactly what she means - because I feel the same need, the same urge to move that has my feet tapping and my heart racing and my very bones aching if I sit still too long.  If I go overlong without singing enough notes, I can feel my throat tighten and I get grouchy, listless, bored.  Without a character to painstakingly create and build and loose myself in, I become so antsy I irritate even myself.  I was nervous at the thought of a summer spent this way - with no "home dance studio" anymore, no money for voice lessons, and not much access to theatre where I live, it didn't seem likely I'd be performing or creating very much.

But my fears were proved wrong by a wonderful chance to perform!  I'm part of a community theatre's production of "Aida."  It's a beautiful show and a talented cast and a well respected theatre, so that alone is a great opportunity.  I'm part of the Trio of Dancers in our production, who like the Trio in the Broadway production narrate and enhance the story through dances to instrumental music through out the score. The Trio often take the lead during the ensemble dances, and portray various ensemble roles.  Additionally we're part of the Prologue and Epilogue sequences, set in a modern day museum with all of the key characters intermingling and forming connections.  During the Prologue, the audience doesn't realize the crowd is composed of the lead characters - but when the Epilogue comes, they've met everyone and are aware of their roles/connections/etc.  It's one of my favorite bits of stage magic and I'm quite excited to be a part of it!

And perhaps even more excitingly, I have been given a wonderful opportunity to perform a solo in this production!  The way our director has decided to stage one of the dance sequences, it will be danced by a soloist in an exotic costume, en pointe.  I almost cried I was so excited when he informed us at the Read Through that soloist would  be me!  Me, my pointe shoes, and a live band alone on the stage. . . what more could I want? Because stereotypical as it is to say, performing is my life. The practice studios and rehearsal halls are my home, with their cool barres and familiar smells of rosin, tea with lemon, tiger balm, and honey, the ancient creaking of floors a thousand feet have danced on, the solemn black music stands waiting to be burdened with librettos.  The dark curtained wings are my horizon, a strange mix of heavy red velvets and blinding yellow lights - and beyond them lies my entire world.  The stage.  Without songs to sing and steps to dance and characters to breathe life into, I am certain I'd have gone mad.  Now, I am going home instead.

Exciting. Scary. Overwhelming. Wonderful.

Hello dear friends!

I have an announcement to make, and some news to share: I hope upon reading it you will be understanding of my lapses in blogposts, or how rarely I've emailed you, or perhaps that long gap between phone calls.  As long as I can remember, I have been Busy.

Yes, with a capital B.  Working several jobs (even as a young teen, helping to keep the family business afloat) and studying dance and this and that and so on and so forth.  Coming to college hasn't been any different: I work somewhere between 2 and 4 jobs depending on the season, and take 8-11 classes at a time, and perform in shows and the shows I don't perform in, I work to gain tech experience.  Then there is my never ending parade of injuries (possibly made worse by my rampant business and utter disregard for my body's need of sleep).

And now. . . now I am in a position to see it all pay off.  Last week I went into a mandatory group advising session, where my advisor oversees all of her students as we select our course load for the upcoming semester.  I was excited to be heading in to select my classes for senior year - and my head was full of all the usual thoughts.  Where had the last three years gone?  Was I already about to be a senior?  How much would I have to work extra to start saving up for moving/loans/etc?  Would all the classes I wanted to take fit in my schedule?  What about the ones I had to take because they're required your senior year and you simply must do it?  And maybe most importantly would I finally have a semester without daily 8am classes?

As I started flipping through the course booklets and filling in my academic classes around my dance levels, I noticed how easy it was. . . how much time and room.  Filling in my theatre classes and the schedule started to look more crowded.  Thats when my advisor cheerfully asked if I still intended to graduate early?  As in, December?

Well ladies and gentlemen, that had never been my plan.  I've spent every course registration frantically jamming as many classes into my schedule as I possibly could so that I could graduate as my school's first double major in Dance and Theatre.  I didn't know - and neither did the faculty or the department heads - if it could be done at all, let alone in only four years.  And here I was in the middle of a group advising session with a little box in front of me to check off.  A single smudge of graphite across carbon paper would be enough - all it takes to confirm. Yes, it could be done.  Yes, I'd done it.  And a semester early, too.  Three college degrees in 3 1/2 years.  I'd have to take a massive number of credits, of course, and pay the credit overages.  And I'd need special clearance from the Dean of the Dance Department and the head of the Theatre Department and the President of Academic Affairs and probably Moses himself was going to have to come down and sign my damn transcript.  But it could be done.

And you know what?  I'm doing it.  I pressed the soft silvery tip of the pencil into the page with a hand I was surprised wasn't shaking.  I texted my mother and called Boyfriend and texted my big brother, and I honestly don't remember a word of what anyone said. What I do remember is walking out into the hallway and turning the corner, my huge messenger bag slung over my shoulder, a stunned smile painted over my lips, and almost smacking into my friend Jake.  I nearly burst into tears at that moment.

See, Jake is the first friend I made on this campus.  We met at 8am in our first college class, a miserably boring 100 level english class with a teacher we loathed (charming kids right?).  We're sort of an odd pair: ambitious, hardworking, good grades.  Make our advisor crazy because we take more classes than we're supposed to and bend the rules to suit academic visions only the two of us see.  We've done everything short of using an actual time turner to accomplish everything on our To Do Lists.  And this semester we had our final class together - another English class, with the same professor, in the same classroom.  The only difference this time is he was leaving early - graduating in December.  I was still going to be here . . . but not anymore.  I didn't even have to tell him what had happened.  He asked if I'd come from my Advising session and I nodded my head, willing my lead tongue to work, to not just stare like a mute - and then his face lit up in a grin and he opened his arms and I barreled head long into a bear hug that crushed my ribs and lifted my feet off the floor and finally pried a joyful laugh out of my stunned self.  We had done it.

We were leaving in December - heading into a world wider than my smalltown mind can conceive, more brilliant than I understand, harder, colder, crueler than I'll know what to do with.  But it's our world - the doers and the dreamers and the ones who push and stick just one toe over the edge to see if maybe there is something on the other side.

Today Is My First Day

Of Junior Year.  I have Honors Colloquium, Ballet, Dance Composition III, and Musical Theater Ensemble which will fill my day from 11:30 - 6:10.  Thank goodness for late starts!  My latest start ever!  Which of course means my roommate and I were up far too late attempting to unpack/decorate our lovely new space. . .

I promise I'll write again soon (hopefully tonight) to let you know how this first day went and to post pictures of this amazingly beautiful/awesome space. 

Wish me luck!

Dear 2011, Let's Be Friends.

I am really excited for this year.  No seriously, I am!  I know every year people say the same things "This year is going to be my year."  "I am so excited to turn a new leaf!"  "Hooray for fresh starts!"  But this year really and truly does feel special to me.  There is just so much to look forward to.  So many things I'm excited to do and be part of.   Here is what I'm looking forward to in 2011.

Spring Semester 2011.  I know.  I know.  I really do know.  I am a giant dork - but I can't help being excited about my classes this semester.  I'm in Level 6 for both ballet and modern!  And I'll be taking Pointe Technique and variations.  I'm also supposed to drop in on Jazz 5 while I'm at it!  I'm curious about Dance Composition - everyone I talked to who had the faculty member I'll be learning from loved the class.  And I'm finally in Comparative Religions, a topic that I've always been interested in. . . and Honors Colloquium looks like an absolute ball.  I love the idea of the class, I love everyone I know I'll be taking the class with, and I love the Prof.  Perfect combination!

The Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival, usually called "the Kennedy Festival," or just "Festival."  It's a week long gathering of colleges and theater departments from all across the region.  Months before the actual festival, respondents are sent out to colleges and universities, to watch musicals and comedies, dramas, and tragedies.  The best of them are called to Festival to perform to large crowds and compete for the chance to go to the NATIONAL Festival.   The drama I was part of was held - meaning we're on the list of possible performers, and will be finding out soon if we get to compete!  There are workshops and master classes in every kind of stage craft you can imagine - stage combat, make up, etc.  There are mini-auditions for mini-productions.  There is a lot of laughing.  I am SO excited.

Two weddings.  The first one is this February, when this amazing couple tie the knot.  I know the ceremony will be a complete tear jerker, and I have seen the bride's dress.  It. Is. Stunning.

The bride for the second wedding is my life-long friend.  I've known her since before I can remember - and I am so excited for her mountain-top wedding to her Marine Corps sweetheart.  A sweet summer wedding for one of the sweetest - and toughest - women I've ever met.

Then there is Spring Break.  I have never in my life been outside the country, and this year I get to!  I am flying first class (thanks to some generous and loving relatives!) to Trinidad and Tobago for Carnival!  I'm going to be part of the street parading and celebrating as part of the band (meaning group, not musicians) Tribe.  This is my costume!  And I'll be spending the time with two of my closest girlfriends!

A few days later, I turn 21.  Not such a big deal, since I don't drink. . . but somehow, it still feels like an important, big girl, moment.

Hopefully, I'll be earning my Associate's Degree.  *Crosses Fingers*  I just have to sort out one last class.  One. Last. Class.

Finding out where I am spending the next four years.  Right now I've applied to Fordham University/the Ailey School, Barnard College, and my own current school.  I would be happy at any of the three, although right now Barnard and right-where-I-am are the most likely options.  It's a matter of finding out where I can get in, and what I can afford, and what will be the best option long term - financially, emotionally, etc.

Starting to rehearse with a real, professional company!

Getting more of my work published . . . I think it's about time I treat writing as well as I treat my other passions.

A summer job I'll love, taking care of two of the cutest children on the entire planet.

Hopefully celebrating another anniversary with Boyfriend.

Moving into a new house, with a new start.

What are YOU looking forward to in 2011?