Thursday, March 3, 2011

I Guess I Just Thought. . .

that I would be walking - no, running - away.  That I would have that mysterious thing called "closure."  That the day I moved, I'd be there to carry my own suitcase.  That I wouldn't want to make blueberry pancakes with berries from the bush in the yard one more time.

That I wouldn't be struggling with tears 200 miles away.  Maybe in the yard.  Maybe in the car.  Maybe, even, in the old clubhouse where we traced our names in ballpoint pen every summertime.  Not in a dorm room, alone, and unsure.

I miss the lilacs already.

Summer will come again, as it always does, everywhere in the world.  I knew this day would come, as in some form it does for us all.  For now, it's time to forget what I thought would happen and realize this is what IS happening.

There is no shame in crying, even if there is confusion.

1 comment:

  1. Know that you are LOVED... Thankful that GOD had our paths cross and love getting to read your words and pray for your family!!! We saw Mia tonight and she came out to see the kids... Poor girl.. as all the kids just looked at her... not sure who she was... :( SO we filled them in.. and talked about her on the way home.. and they said OH that was who that was.. she looks different now :)... I am sorry for your sadness and know that God is with you and loves you.. He does not promise us the Easy road.. but many trials.. But he promises to never leave you !!!!
    Love the Capener Family!
    P.S. the kids are starting up Karate next week a Local pastor is offering a class to Homeschooling families.. So we are excited to be able to get back into that with a Pastor Running it, he is a 3rd degree black belt. :)